It has been such a long time since I wrote on this wall...so much has changed...wow...I am still working at Lifeway and now I also work at a maternity home in the evenings to pull in some extra money.  I am really just waiting till school starts...passed stats...horray!! Math is so much not what I am good at.  I am learning so much about myself in a book study that I am in and making some great friends.

Evan and I's wedding is now officially on the 20th of October.  Which is the day after my birthday, however it was the only day we could get the reception and church on the same day...and that is kinda important! Life is interesting, and I am learning to grow and improve myself. I can't wait to just have some time to rest....someday...Evan's movie is a go, he went to Bulgaria, watched the movie being shot, got paied...sooo good!! And we will be going to a movie premier in LA soon. How weird is that?? HAHAHa...but it is exciting...it will be one bitchen movie! Check it out baby...Hero Wanted with Cuba Goodin Jr and Ray Leota. Well...time for me to get a Starbucks and chill...

As of December 21st I am engagged!! 

 It was such a great day!  I met Evan at his brother's home in Fishers after taking some time off work, and he drove me to Muncie, and we went to the resturant we had our first date...Jonny Carinos, since it was raining...we drove to campus and sat in his car near the bench where we sat on our first date, he gave me my christmas present...It was a beautiful leather journal and inside he had wrote each of his journal entries since he had met me and about how he felt.  He had saved little things from places we had went, like bottle caps and cards, and placed those in the journal as well.  He then went on to explain how he felt about me, and how he loved me, and then (I am still reading all this by the way) he wrote will you marry me...I had to smile, and then he looked over at me, and he had a ring, it was so sweet...I said yes of course...and then we went to scotties to celebrate with a blue moon, the beer I introduced him to on our first date!  I have never had a guy treat me so special, and put up with my crazy moods, my needs, and love me unconditional.  After that we went back to his house, and his mom and I sat and talked, she was so excited too, we were both crying and hugging each other, his family came in on Christmas jumping up and down, they kept saying "welcome to the family", what a great Christmas...probably the best!

I long for clarification and yet it stares me in the face.  I am doing what I am made to do, and yet I am always in a fear that I am not in the right place, even when I know that I am.  It is a funny feeling to be out in midst of life, and knowing I am doing the right thing, I am living life for myself, I am so used to living life for other people, wondering what others are thinking, are they happy with me, are they going to approve, and yet, I am not in a position to care, I am free, free of the bondage created by conformity and others opinions, I am moving home to go to school...it is free rent, which will be nice, I am wondering though how I will be this time next year, I should take a gander at this entry.  Am I going to be still on the same page as far as life, my direction, my longings?  I do desire to make a change in this dark world.  I have never known such darkness until this job, I mean I knew that the world was evil, however it has really shown it's ugly face and I am sorrowful at the thought that one could even love such a hideous thing.  If anything, in a weird way, this job has made me long more than anything to be with God, to go home, however my work is not done yet.  I have an understanding that I can not fix the world on my own, but I can make a dent in the pain, wrap a hug around the lonely, and a gift to the hopeless.  I am joyful in a reflective way, I am ready, I wish that world would pause and allow for a breath, but it keeps on hunting out the weak. 

Think of the love of a child.  How inocent and unconditional...amazing, there is no other love on earth like that, for even some parents don't love their children the way that children love, to be beaten, left half dead, starved and neglected, but still love, is something I still can not wrap my little mind around....at work I sit, listening to the buzz in the office, and longing to be under the tree that is planted out front...random I know...am I at the point of realization, understanding, or is this just a hang over trance from the night before...amen